T. Rigney (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} filmfiend) wrote,@ 2006-08-01 11:31:00 |
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Road House 2: Last Call
Schaech your booty.
---
Saying you need a sequel to the Patrick Swayze "classic" Road House is akin to admitting that, yes, you wouldn't mind another life-threatening brain tumor. Since ol' Swayz decided he wasn't interested in reprising his role as James Dalton, there's really no point whatsoever in moving ahead with the project. Am I right? But common sense doesn't apply to the Hollywood bottom line, silly goose! If the idea could POSSIBLY make someone a little money, it's probably going to happen, regardless of whether or not these quick cash-in sequels completely disrespect the source material. Such is the case with Scott Ziehl's Road House 2: Last Call, which might be the most pointless sequel EVER MADE. Instead of getting someone else to play the part of James Dalton, the powers that be have decided to follow the adventures of his son Shane Tanner, played by the utterly forgettable Johnathon Schaech. There are a FEW redeeming moments to be found within, but for the most part it's a complete wash-out. And if the DVD artwork isn't enough to make you bust a gut with laughter, then perhaps watching Will Patton and Jake Busey indulge in a little one-on-one martial arts wizardry will.
I kid you not.
As stated, Road House 2 revolves around tough-as-nails DEA agent Shane Tanner, who pretty much comes and goes as he pleases without catching too much poo-poo from his bosses. Lovely! While deep undercover, Shane learns that his Uncle Nate (Will Patton) just got his balls handed to him by a group of stereotypical bad guys because he's unwilling to sell his pretty little bar. How brutally touching. Deciding family matters are more important than ridding the world of drug dealers and the garbage they peddle, Shane takes off for Louisiana to find out who wiped the floor with his relative. Once there, he decides to run the bar in his uncle's absence, much to the dismay of local thug-4-life Wild Bill (Jake Busey). You see, Wild Bill wants to purchase the bar since it's located in a prime location for running drugs(!), and he'll stop at nothing to acquire it. But Shane isn't going down like a punk, of course, and he deals some serious damage to the numerous goons Bill sends his way. Things get nasty, people get beaten to a pulp, and Wild Bill's boss (Richard Norton) decides its time to handle matters personally before they get completely out-of-control. Faced with impossible odds and a constantly dwindling staff at the road house, Shane teams up with saucy blonde bad-ass Beau (Ellen Hoffman) to rid Louisiana of a ton of bad action movie cliches. Action ensues.
Scott Ziehl isn't exactly what you'd call an auteur; his films range from mediocre (Demon Hunter) to downright appalling (Cruel Intentions 3), and none of them have anything whatsoever in common. No style. No substance. NOTHING. So it's really no surprise that Road House 2: Last Call continues this trend of underwhelming cinema, though he does show marked improvement with this effort. Instead of looking like a made-for-TV movie, Road House 2 manages to look like the direct-to-video release it was destined to be. The film itself occasionally looks nice, and the fight scenes are actually quite entertaining, but that's pretty much it. Of course, most of the problems lie in that abysmal script co-written by Mr. Jimmy Mattingly himself. Schaech apparently LOVES putting himself smack dab in the middle of numerous erotic encounters since, you know, he's so drop-dead gorgeous and all. Please. As a sex symbol, he's got NOTHING on that moldy loaf of bread collecting dust atop my refrigerator. He's buff enough to play the part, don't get me wrong, but he lacks the charisma and, more importantly, the acting chops to make you believe it. This vanilla milk Schaech ain't bringin' nothing to the yard, pal.
As expected, the performances are pretty lame across the board. As mentioned, Schaech is a big bag of cement with a six-pack, grinning and kicking his way through a number of forgettable scenes. Will Patton should be ashamed of himself; he's capable of much better things. Bad Patton! Bad! Jake Busey, while unbelievable as the villainous Wild Bill, is at least having fun with his role. He's totally out-of-control and completely over-the-top, but that's just Busey. I mean, look who his father is, for crying out loud. Did you expect anything different? Come on. The only individual who manages to shine is Ellen Hoffman who, for some bizarre reason, didn't bother me at all. "Wait, Todd. Is it because she's skinny, blonde, and hot?" Not exactly, though the final reel cat fight is probably the best sequence in the film. But that's not it. Hoffman treats her role seriously, attempting to play Shane's leggy love interest with as little camp as possible. And considering this is a movie ripe with cheese, her levity is welcomed. Kudos, Ellen! You're the gold tooth in the turd!
Richard Norton, meanwhile, is completely wasted. His short-lived confrontation with Schaech towards the end of the picture was a HUGE letdown. Damn it, Norton! Don't let people talk you into movies like this!
Of course, the only thing Road House 2 has going for it are the fight scenes, which actually manage to be quite thrilling at times. Most of them are nicely choreographed and suitably brutal, even if it's a little hard to swallow Will Patton and Jake Busey as competent fighters. And try as I might, I couldn't locate the fight director anywhere in the credits. Who staged these battles? I want to know. They're oddly reminiscent of Tony Jaa's style in Ong-Bak: all flying knees and elbows. Though they pale in comparison to the fights in the original Road House, I guess the filmmakers felt the need to update the fisticuffs for the modern movie-goer. Nobody wants to see burly men fist fight anymore; no, they want to see their heroes bounce off walls and spin kick some poor bozo in the grill. That's fine and dandy, but it doesn't quite work here. Fun? Definitely. Appropriate? Eh, probably not.
If you're desperate for action and don't mind spending some time with a walking, talking tree trunk, Road House 2: Last Call might be worth a rental. Emphasis on the MIGHT. Schaech will never be a leading man no matter how hard he tries. His turn here is a valiant effort, for sure, but he missed the mark yet again. The only thing worth investigating are the fight scenes, though they're really not THAT great when compared to the other kung fu wannabes you could spend your time with. Jake Busey fans will be the most delighted with this project, since it gives their favorite actor plenty of room to pile on the cheese. And while I'll be the first to admit I'm all about the cheese, it doesn't quite mesh with what Scott Ziehl and company were trying to accomplish.
In other words: Where's the beef?
Schaech your booty.
---
Saying you need a sequel to the Patrick Swayze "classic" Road House is akin to admitting that, yes, you wouldn't mind another life-threatening brain tumor. Since ol' Swayz decided he wasn't interested in reprising his role as James Dalton, there's really no point whatsoever in moving ahead with the project. Am I right? But common sense doesn't apply to the Hollywood bottom line, silly goose! If the idea could POSSIBLY make someone a little money, it's probably going to happen, regardless of whether or not these quick cash-in sequels completely disrespect the source material. Such is the case with Scott Ziehl's Road House 2: Last Call, which might be the most pointless sequel EVER MADE. Instead of getting someone else to play the part of James Dalton, the powers that be have decided to follow the adventures of his son Shane Tanner, played by the utterly forgettable Johnathon Schaech. There are a FEW redeeming moments to be found within, but for the most part it's a complete wash-out. And if the DVD artwork isn't enough to make you bust a gut with laughter, then perhaps watching Will Patton and Jake Busey indulge in a little one-on-one martial arts wizardry will.
I kid you not.
As stated, Road House 2 revolves around tough-as-nails DEA agent Shane Tanner, who pretty much comes and goes as he pleases without catching too much poo-poo from his bosses. Lovely! While deep undercover, Shane learns that his Uncle Nate (Will Patton) just got his balls handed to him by a group of stereotypical bad guys because he's unwilling to sell his pretty little bar. How brutally touching. Deciding family matters are more important than ridding the world of drug dealers and the garbage they peddle, Shane takes off for Louisiana to find out who wiped the floor with his relative. Once there, he decides to run the bar in his uncle's absence, much to the dismay of local thug-4-life Wild Bill (Jake Busey). You see, Wild Bill wants to purchase the bar since it's located in a prime location for running drugs(!), and he'll stop at nothing to acquire it. But Shane isn't going down like a punk, of course, and he deals some serious damage to the numerous goons Bill sends his way. Things get nasty, people get beaten to a pulp, and Wild Bill's boss (Richard Norton) decides its time to handle matters personally before they get completely out-of-control. Faced with impossible odds and a constantly dwindling staff at the road house, Shane teams up with saucy blonde bad-ass Beau (Ellen Hoffman) to rid Louisiana of a ton of bad action movie cliches. Action ensues.
Scott Ziehl isn't exactly what you'd call an auteur; his films range from mediocre (Demon Hunter) to downright appalling (Cruel Intentions 3), and none of them have anything whatsoever in common. No style. No substance. NOTHING. So it's really no surprise that Road House 2: Last Call continues this trend of underwhelming cinema, though he does show marked improvement with this effort. Instead of looking like a made-for-TV movie, Road House 2 manages to look like the direct-to-video release it was destined to be. The film itself occasionally looks nice, and the fight scenes are actually quite entertaining, but that's pretty much it. Of course, most of the problems lie in that abysmal script co-written by Mr. Jimmy Mattingly himself. Schaech apparently LOVES putting himself smack dab in the middle of numerous erotic encounters since, you know, he's so drop-dead gorgeous and all. Please. As a sex symbol, he's got NOTHING on that moldy loaf of bread collecting dust atop my refrigerator. He's buff enough to play the part, don't get me wrong, but he lacks the charisma and, more importantly, the acting chops to make you believe it. This vanilla milk Schaech ain't bringin' nothing to the yard, pal.
As expected, the performances are pretty lame across the board. As mentioned, Schaech is a big bag of cement with a six-pack, grinning and kicking his way through a number of forgettable scenes. Will Patton should be ashamed of himself; he's capable of much better things. Bad Patton! Bad! Jake Busey, while unbelievable as the villainous Wild Bill, is at least having fun with his role. He's totally out-of-control and completely over-the-top, but that's just Busey. I mean, look who his father is, for crying out loud. Did you expect anything different? Come on. The only individual who manages to shine is Ellen Hoffman who, for some bizarre reason, didn't bother me at all. "Wait, Todd. Is it because she's skinny, blonde, and hot?" Not exactly, though the final reel cat fight is probably the best sequence in the film. But that's not it. Hoffman treats her role seriously, attempting to play Shane's leggy love interest with as little camp as possible. And considering this is a movie ripe with cheese, her levity is welcomed. Kudos, Ellen! You're the gold tooth in the turd!
Richard Norton, meanwhile, is completely wasted. His short-lived confrontation with Schaech towards the end of the picture was a HUGE letdown. Damn it, Norton! Don't let people talk you into movies like this!
Of course, the only thing Road House 2 has going for it are the fight scenes, which actually manage to be quite thrilling at times. Most of them are nicely choreographed and suitably brutal, even if it's a little hard to swallow Will Patton and Jake Busey as competent fighters. And try as I might, I couldn't locate the fight director anywhere in the credits. Who staged these battles? I want to know. They're oddly reminiscent of Tony Jaa's style in Ong-Bak: all flying knees and elbows. Though they pale in comparison to the fights in the original Road House, I guess the filmmakers felt the need to update the fisticuffs for the modern movie-goer. Nobody wants to see burly men fist fight anymore; no, they want to see their heroes bounce off walls and spin kick some poor bozo in the grill. That's fine and dandy, but it doesn't quite work here. Fun? Definitely. Appropriate? Eh, probably not.
If you're desperate for action and don't mind spending some time with a walking, talking tree trunk, Road House 2: Last Call might be worth a rental. Emphasis on the MIGHT. Schaech will never be a leading man no matter how hard he tries. His turn here is a valiant effort, for sure, but he missed the mark yet again. The only thing worth investigating are the fight scenes, though they're really not THAT great when compared to the other kung fu wannabes you could spend your time with. Jake Busey fans will be the most delighted with this project, since it gives their favorite actor plenty of room to pile on the cheese. And while I'll be the first to admit I'm all about the cheese, it doesn't quite mesh with what Scott Ziehl and company were trying to accomplish.
In other words: Where's the beef?
